The joke thread.
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Yankee
Mickymod
Bunni
Skye
Dean
9 posters
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The joke thread.
by Guest Sat Jul 11, 2009 11:56 pm
Post your best or worst one's here and i'll start us off guys.
Two ants are playing footy in a saucer and one says to the other.
Im fed up with playing footy in this saucer, so his mate says, dont worry son we'll be playing in the cup next week.
Ok i know i'll get me coat.
Two ants are playing footy in a saucer and one says to the other.
Im fed up with playing footy in this saucer, so his mate says, dont worry son we'll be playing in the cup next week.
Ok i know i'll get me coat.
Guest- Guest
Re: The joke thread.
by Dean Mon Jul 13, 2009 12:58 am
Elderly couple in church. Wife turns to husband and says "I've just done a silent fart, what should I do?" Husband says "put new batteries in your hearing aid!"
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Re: The joke thread.
by Guest Mon Jul 13, 2009 1:12 am
Dean wrote:Elderly couple in church. Wife turns to husband and says "I've just done a silent fart, what should I do?" Husband says "put new batteries in your hearing aid!"
Guest- Guest
Re: The joke thread.
by Guest Mon Jul 13, 2009 1:18 am
The same elderly couple are sitting down to breakfast one morning, and the old lady says to hubby, "Do you still fancy me darling after all these years" i spose so the miserable old sod says, but why do you ask dear, well its just that im feeling hot n horny this morning for some reason so i was wondering if you fancied a bit.
So the old man says, i'll tell you why your feeling hot shall i ya silly old moo, whys that then she asks.
Cos you've got one tit dangling in your coffee and one in your porridge ya daft old mare.
So the old man says, i'll tell you why your feeling hot shall i ya silly old moo, whys that then she asks.
Cos you've got one tit dangling in your coffee and one in your porridge ya daft old mare.
Guest- Guest
Re: The joke thread.
by Guest Mon Jul 13, 2009 3:48 pm
Man dies and goes to heaven where he notices a massive cabinet filled with clocks. in St Peters office
'What are all those clocks?' asked the man.
St. Peter answered, 'Those are Lie-Clocks. Everyone on earth has a Lie-Clock. Every time you lie, the hands on your clock move.'
'Oh', said the man. 'Whose clock is that?'
'That's Mother Teresa's', replied St. Peter. 'the hands have never moved, indicating that she never told a lie.'
'Incredible', said the man. 'and whose clock is that one?'
St. Peter responded, 'That's Abraham Lincoln's clock. The hands have moved twice, telling us that Abraham told only two lies in his entire life.'
'Where's Gordon Brown's clock?' asked the man.
St Peter replied, 'Jesus has it in his office. He uses it as a ceiling fan.'
:rofl;:
'What are all those clocks?' asked the man.
St. Peter answered, 'Those are Lie-Clocks. Everyone on earth has a Lie-Clock. Every time you lie, the hands on your clock move.'
'Oh', said the man. 'Whose clock is that?'
'That's Mother Teresa's', replied St. Peter. 'the hands have never moved, indicating that she never told a lie.'
'Incredible', said the man. 'and whose clock is that one?'
St. Peter responded, 'That's Abraham Lincoln's clock. The hands have moved twice, telling us that Abraham told only two lies in his entire life.'
'Where's Gordon Brown's clock?' asked the man.
St Peter replied, 'Jesus has it in his office. He uses it as a ceiling fan.'
:rofl;:
Guest- Guest
Re: The joke thread.
by Guest Mon Jul 13, 2009 4:14 pm
Brad wrote:Man dies and goes to heaven where he notices a massive cabinet filled with clocks. in St Peters office
'What are all those clocks?' asked the man.
St. Peter answered, 'Those are Lie-Clocks. Everyone on earth has a Lie-Clock. Every time you lie, the hands on your clock move.'
'Oh', said the man. 'Whose clock is that?'
'That's Mother Teresa's', replied St. Peter. 'the hands have never moved, indicating that she never told a lie.'
'Incredible', said the man. 'and whose clock is that one?'
St. Peter responded, 'That's Abraham Lincoln's clock. The hands have moved twice, telling us that Abraham told only two lies in his entire life.'
'Where's Gordon Brown's clock?' asked the man.
St Peter replied, 'Jesus has it in his office. He uses it as a ceiling fan.'
:rofl;:
Not bad Bradders.
Guest- Guest
Re: The joke thread.
by Skye Mon Jul 13, 2009 4:27 pm
A man goes to
his physician and is shocked to find that he has been replaced by a
super-computer. The computer asks him his ailments and the man says he
has a sore elbow. A drawer pops out and he is asked to urinate in it.
After a few bleeps and flashing lights the computer decides he has
tennis elbow.
The man is annoyed and decides to get one over on this machine so he
asks his wife for a urine sample. He then mixes this with urine from
his dog and his small son and to top it off, adds some of his sperm.
He takes it to the computer-physician who again asks him for a sample.
He places the urine/sperm sample in the drawer and the computer makes
its usual display of bleeps and flashes before telling him that his
wife is pregnant, his dog has rabies, his son has chicken pox and if
he doesn't stop masturbating he'll never get rid of his tennis elbow.
his physician and is shocked to find that he has been replaced by a
super-computer. The computer asks him his ailments and the man says he
has a sore elbow. A drawer pops out and he is asked to urinate in it.
After a few bleeps and flashing lights the computer decides he has
tennis elbow.
The man is annoyed and decides to get one over on this machine so he
asks his wife for a urine sample. He then mixes this with urine from
his dog and his small son and to top it off, adds some of his sperm.
He takes it to the computer-physician who again asks him for a sample.
He places the urine/sperm sample in the drawer and the computer makes
its usual display of bleeps and flashes before telling him that his
wife is pregnant, his dog has rabies, his son has chicken pox and if
he doesn't stop masturbating he'll never get rid of his tennis elbow.
Skye- Most excellent member
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Join date : 2009-06-10
Location : Here
Re: The joke thread.
by Skye Mon Jul 13, 2009 4:54 pm
Husband's Great Gift
A married couple was in a terrible accident where the woman's face was
severely burned. The doctor told the husband that they couldn't graft
any skin from her body because she was too skinny. So the husband
offered to donate some of his own skin.
However, the only skin on his body that the doctor felt was suitable would have to come from his buttocks.
The husband and wife agreed that they would tell no one about where the
skin came from, and requested that the doctor also honor their secret.
After all, this was a very delicate matter.
After the surgery was completed, everyone was astounded at the woman's
new beauty. She looked more beautiful than she ever had before! All her
friends and relatives just went on and on about her youthful beauty!
One day, she was alone with her husband, and she was overcome with
emotion at his sacrifice. She said, "Dear, I just want to thank you for
everything you did for me. How can I possibly repay you?"
"My darling," he replied, "I get all the thanks I need every time I see your mother kiss you on the cheek."
A married couple was in a terrible accident where the woman's face was
severely burned. The doctor told the husband that they couldn't graft
any skin from her body because she was too skinny. So the husband
offered to donate some of his own skin.
However, the only skin on his body that the doctor felt was suitable would have to come from his buttocks.
The husband and wife agreed that they would tell no one about where the
skin came from, and requested that the doctor also honor their secret.
After all, this was a very delicate matter.
After the surgery was completed, everyone was astounded at the woman's
new beauty. She looked more beautiful than she ever had before! All her
friends and relatives just went on and on about her youthful beauty!
One day, she was alone with her husband, and she was overcome with
emotion at his sacrifice. She said, "Dear, I just want to thank you for
everything you did for me. How can I possibly repay you?"
"My darling," he replied, "I get all the thanks I need every time I see your mother kiss you on the cheek."
Skye- Most excellent member
- Posts : 2336
Join date : 2009-06-10
Location : Here
Re: The joke thread.
by Skye Mon Jul 13, 2009 4:58 pm
Living with the Wolf Man
The Wolf Man comes home one day from a long day at the office. "How was work, dear?" his wife asks.
"Listen! I don't want to talk about work!" he shouts.
"Okay. Would you like to sit down and eat a nice home cooked meal?" she asks nicely.
"Listen!" he shouts again. "I'm not hungry! I don't wanna eat! All
right! Is that all right with you? Can I come home from work and just
do my own thing without you forcing food down my throat? Huh?"
At this moment, the wolf man started growling, and throwing things around the apartment in a mad rage.
Looking out the window, his wife sees a full moon and says to herself, "Well, I guess it's that time of the month."
The Wolf Man comes home one day from a long day at the office. "How was work, dear?" his wife asks.
"Listen! I don't want to talk about work!" he shouts.
"Okay. Would you like to sit down and eat a nice home cooked meal?" she asks nicely.
"Listen!" he shouts again. "I'm not hungry! I don't wanna eat! All
right! Is that all right with you? Can I come home from work and just
do my own thing without you forcing food down my throat? Huh?"
At this moment, the wolf man started growling, and throwing things around the apartment in a mad rage.
Looking out the window, his wife sees a full moon and says to herself, "Well, I guess it's that time of the month."
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Bunni- Major contributor
- Posts : 820
Join date : 2009-06-23
Re: The joke thread.
by Bunni Sat Jul 18, 2009 4:42 pm
DO YOU FART IN BED?
THIS IS A STORY ABOUT A COUPLE WHO HAD BEEN HAPPILY MARRIED FOR YEARS.
THE ONLY FRICTION IN THEIR MARRIAGE WAS THE HUSBAND'S HABIT OF F@RTING
LOUDLY EVERY MORNING WHEN HE AWOKE. THE NOISE WOULD WAKE HIS WIFE AND
THE SMELL WOULD MAKE HER EYES WATER AND MAKE HER GASP FOR AIR.
EVERY MORNING SHE WOULD PLEAD WITH HIM TO STOP RIPPING THEM OFF BECAUSE
IT WAS MAKING HER SICK. HE TOLD HER HE COULDN'T STOP IT AND THAT IT WAS
PERFECTLY NATURAL. SHE TOLD HIM TO SEE A DOCTOR, SHE WAS CONCERNED THAT
ONE DAY HE WOULD BLOW HIS GUTS OUT.
THE YEARS WENT BY AND HE CONTINUED TO RIP THEM OUT. THEN ONE CHRISTMAS
DAY MORNING, AS SHE WAS PREPARING THE TURKEY FOR DINNER AND HE WAS
UPSTAIRS SOUND ASLEEP, SHE LOOKED AT THE INNARDS, NECK, GIZZARD, LIVER
AND ALL THE SPARE PARTS, AND A MALICIOUS THOUGHT CAME TO HER.
SHE TOOK THE BOWL AND WENT UPSTAIRS WHERE HER HUSBAND WAS SOUND ASLEEP
AND, GENTLY PULLING THE BED COVERS BACK, SHE PULLED BACK THE ELASTIC
WAISTBAND OF HIS UNDERPANTS AND EMPTIED THE BOWL OF TURKEY GUTS INTO HIS
SHORTS
SOME TIME LATER SHE HEARD HER HUSBAND WAKEN WITH HIS USUAL TRUMPETING
WHICH WAS FOLLOWED BY A BLOOD CURDLING SCREAM AND THE SOUND OF FRANTIC
FOOT STEPS AS HE RAN INTO THE BATH ROOM. THE WIFE COULD HARDLY CONTROL
HERSELF AS SHE ROLLED ON THE FLOOR LAUGHING, TEARS IN HER EYES! AFTER
YEARS OF TORTURE SHE RECKONED SHE HAD GOT HIM BACK PRETTY GOOD.
ABOUT TWENTY MINUTES LATER, HER HUSBAND CAME DOWNSTAIRS IN HIS
BLOODSTAINED UNDERPANTS WITH A LOOK OF HORROR ON HIS FACE. SHE BIT HER
LIP AS SHE ASKED HIM WHAT THE MATTER WAS.
HE SAID, 'HONEY YOU WERE RIGHT.' 'ALL THESE YEARS YOU HAVE WARNED ME AND
I DIDN'T LISTEN TO YOU'.
'WHAT DO YOU MEAN?' ASKED HIS WIFE.
'WELL, YOU ALWAYS TOLD ME THAT ONE DAY I WOULD END UP F@RTING MY GUTS
OUT, AND TODAY IT FINALLY HAPPENED.'
BUT BY THE GRACE OF GOD, WITH SOME VASELINE AND TWO FINGERS. I THINK I
GOT MOST OF THEM BACK IN..
THIS IS A STORY ABOUT A COUPLE WHO HAD BEEN HAPPILY MARRIED FOR YEARS.
THE ONLY FRICTION IN THEIR MARRIAGE WAS THE HUSBAND'S HABIT OF F@RTING
LOUDLY EVERY MORNING WHEN HE AWOKE. THE NOISE WOULD WAKE HIS WIFE AND
THE SMELL WOULD MAKE HER EYES WATER AND MAKE HER GASP FOR AIR.
EVERY MORNING SHE WOULD PLEAD WITH HIM TO STOP RIPPING THEM OFF BECAUSE
IT WAS MAKING HER SICK. HE TOLD HER HE COULDN'T STOP IT AND THAT IT WAS
PERFECTLY NATURAL. SHE TOLD HIM TO SEE A DOCTOR, SHE WAS CONCERNED THAT
ONE DAY HE WOULD BLOW HIS GUTS OUT.
THE YEARS WENT BY AND HE CONTINUED TO RIP THEM OUT. THEN ONE CHRISTMAS
DAY MORNING, AS SHE WAS PREPARING THE TURKEY FOR DINNER AND HE WAS
UPSTAIRS SOUND ASLEEP, SHE LOOKED AT THE INNARDS, NECK, GIZZARD, LIVER
AND ALL THE SPARE PARTS, AND A MALICIOUS THOUGHT CAME TO HER.
SHE TOOK THE BOWL AND WENT UPSTAIRS WHERE HER HUSBAND WAS SOUND ASLEEP
AND, GENTLY PULLING THE BED COVERS BACK, SHE PULLED BACK THE ELASTIC
WAISTBAND OF HIS UNDERPANTS AND EMPTIED THE BOWL OF TURKEY GUTS INTO HIS
SHORTS
SOME TIME LATER SHE HEARD HER HUSBAND WAKEN WITH HIS USUAL TRUMPETING
WHICH WAS FOLLOWED BY A BLOOD CURDLING SCREAM AND THE SOUND OF FRANTIC
FOOT STEPS AS HE RAN INTO THE BATH ROOM. THE WIFE COULD HARDLY CONTROL
HERSELF AS SHE ROLLED ON THE FLOOR LAUGHING, TEARS IN HER EYES! AFTER
YEARS OF TORTURE SHE RECKONED SHE HAD GOT HIM BACK PRETTY GOOD.
ABOUT TWENTY MINUTES LATER, HER HUSBAND CAME DOWNSTAIRS IN HIS
BLOODSTAINED UNDERPANTS WITH A LOOK OF HORROR ON HIS FACE. SHE BIT HER
LIP AS SHE ASKED HIM WHAT THE MATTER WAS.
HE SAID, 'HONEY YOU WERE RIGHT.' 'ALL THESE YEARS YOU HAVE WARNED ME AND
I DIDN'T LISTEN TO YOU'.
'WHAT DO YOU MEAN?' ASKED HIS WIFE.
'WELL, YOU ALWAYS TOLD ME THAT ONE DAY I WOULD END UP F@RTING MY GUTS
OUT, AND TODAY IT FINALLY HAPPENED.'
BUT BY THE GRACE OF GOD, WITH SOME VASELINE AND TWO FINGERS. I THINK I
GOT MOST OF THEM BACK IN..
Bunni- Major contributor
- Posts : 820
Join date : 2009-06-23
Re: The joke thread.
by Bunni Sun Jul 26, 2009 3:05 pm
On their way to get married, a young Catholic couple is involved in a
fatal car accident. The couple find themselves sitting outside the Pearly
Gates waiting for St. Peter to process them into Heaven.
While waiting, they begin to wonder: Could they possibly get married in
Heaven? When St. Peter showed up, they asked him.
St. Peter says, "I don't know. This is the first time anyone has asked.
"Let me go find out," and he leaves.
The couple sat and waited, and waited. Two months passed and the couple is
still waiting. As they waited, they discussed that IF they were allowed to
get married in Heaven, what was the eternal aspect of it all.
"What if it doesn't work?" they wondered, "Are we stuck together FOREVER?"
After yet another month, St. Peter finally returns, looking somewhat
bedraggled. "Yes," he informs the couple, "you CAN get married in Heaven."
"Great!" said the couple, "But we were just wondering, what if things don't
work out? Could we also get a divorce in Heaven?"
St. Peter, red-faced with anger, slams his clipboard onto the ground.
"What's wrong?" asked the frightened couple.
"OH, COME ON!" St. Peter shouts, "It took me three months to find a priest
up here! Do you have ANY idea how long it'll take me to find a LAWYER
fatal car accident. The couple find themselves sitting outside the Pearly
Gates waiting for St. Peter to process them into Heaven.
While waiting, they begin to wonder: Could they possibly get married in
Heaven? When St. Peter showed up, they asked him.
St. Peter says, "I don't know. This is the first time anyone has asked.
"Let me go find out," and he leaves.
The couple sat and waited, and waited. Two months passed and the couple is
still waiting. As they waited, they discussed that IF they were allowed to
get married in Heaven, what was the eternal aspect of it all.
"What if it doesn't work?" they wondered, "Are we stuck together FOREVER?"
After yet another month, St. Peter finally returns, looking somewhat
bedraggled. "Yes," he informs the couple, "you CAN get married in Heaven."
"Great!" said the couple, "But we were just wondering, what if things don't
work out? Could we also get a divorce in Heaven?"
St. Peter, red-faced with anger, slams his clipboard onto the ground.
"What's wrong?" asked the frightened couple.
"OH, COME ON!" St. Peter shouts, "It took me three months to find a priest
up here! Do you have ANY idea how long it'll take me to find a LAWYER
Bunni- Major contributor
- Posts : 820
Join date : 2009-06-23
Mickymod- Most excellent member
- Posts : 1529
Join date : 2009-07-17
Re: The joke thread.
by Yankee Tue Aug 11, 2009 1:59 am
It was a hot day outside..so the three nuns decided to take off there clothes and bolt the door to there church.
Since there was stain glass windows, nobody could see inside, and the door was locked.
The nuns were busy doing renovations when a Thud Thud Thud hit the door.
The shocked nun ran to the door and pulled her clothes up over herself, when she asked "Who is it"?
The reply from behind the door was "Its the blind man".
The 3 nuns looked relieved when they heard he was the blind man, no sight no problem they figured, and let him in.
Upon opening the door, in entered a burly man in coveralls and said "Holy shit sister nice tits!! ... Where do you want your blinds? "
Since there was stain glass windows, nobody could see inside, and the door was locked.
The nuns were busy doing renovations when a Thud Thud Thud hit the door.
The shocked nun ran to the door and pulled her clothes up over herself, when she asked "Who is it"?
The reply from behind the door was "Its the blind man".
The 3 nuns looked relieved when they heard he was the blind man, no sight no problem they figured, and let him in.
Upon opening the door, in entered a burly man in coveralls and said "Holy shit sister nice tits!! ... Where do you want your blinds? "
Yankee- Supermod
- Posts : 2354
Join date : 2009-06-11
Re: The joke thread.
by CannyX Wed Sep 02, 2009 8:48 pm
a woman gets dressed up to the nines for a night-out. she tells her boyfriend: "make sure you take me somewhere really expensive this time!!"...................................
................................so he takes her to the nearest petrol stataion!!!!!
#boomboom# :hrthrth: :hrthrth:
................................so he takes her to the nearest petrol stataion!!!!!
#boomboom# :hrthrth: :hrthrth:
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Location : On-site. -
Re: The joke thread.
by Guest Thu Sep 17, 2009 9:53 pm
Pharmacology
In Pharmacology, all drugs have two names, a trade name and generic name. For example, the trade name of Tylenol also has a generic name of Acetaminophen. Aleve is also called Naproxen. Amoxil is also call Amoxicillin and Advil is also called Ibuprofen.
The FDA has been looking for a generic name for Viagra. After careful consideration by a team of government experts, it recently announced that it has settled on the generic name of Mycoxafloppin.
Also considered were Mycoxafailin, Mydixadrupin, Mydixarizin, Dixafix, and of course, Ibepokin.
Pfizer Corp announced today that Viagra will soon be available in liquid form, and will be marketed by Pepsi Cola as a power beverage suitable for use as a mixer. It will now be possible for a man to literally pour himself a stiff one.
Obviously we can no longer call this a soft drink, and it gives new meaning to the names of "cocktails", "highballs" and just a good old-fashioned "stiff drink". Pepsi will market the new concoction by the name of: MOUNT & DO.
Thought for the day: There is more money being spent on breast implants and Viagra today than on Alzheimer's research. This means that by 2040, there should be a large elderly population with perky boobs and huge erections and absolutely no recollection of what to do with them.
In Pharmacology, all drugs have two names, a trade name and generic name. For example, the trade name of Tylenol also has a generic name of Acetaminophen. Aleve is also called Naproxen. Amoxil is also call Amoxicillin and Advil is also called Ibuprofen.
The FDA has been looking for a generic name for Viagra. After careful consideration by a team of government experts, it recently announced that it has settled on the generic name of Mycoxafloppin.
Also considered were Mycoxafailin, Mydixadrupin, Mydixarizin, Dixafix, and of course, Ibepokin.
Pfizer Corp announced today that Viagra will soon be available in liquid form, and will be marketed by Pepsi Cola as a power beverage suitable for use as a mixer. It will now be possible for a man to literally pour himself a stiff one.
Obviously we can no longer call this a soft drink, and it gives new meaning to the names of "cocktails", "highballs" and just a good old-fashioned "stiff drink". Pepsi will market the new concoction by the name of: MOUNT & DO.
Thought for the day: There is more money being spent on breast implants and Viagra today than on Alzheimer's research. This means that by 2040, there should be a large elderly population with perky boobs and huge erections and absolutely no recollection of what to do with them.
Guest- Guest
Re: The joke thread.
by Angel Fri Sep 25, 2009 10:22 pm
Husband and wife are sitting in a pub and the wife keeps looking over at
a drunken man sitting cradling his pint as he sits alone.
The husband says "Do you know him?"
The wife says "He's my old boyfriend, I'm told he started drinking right after
we split up 10 years ago and he hasn't been sober since."
"Crikey" says the husband "who would have thought a fella could go on
celebrating that Fikkin long."
a drunken man sitting cradling his pint as he sits alone.
The husband says "Do you know him?"
The wife says "He's my old boyfriend, I'm told he started drinking right after
we split up 10 years ago and he hasn't been sober since."
"Crikey" says the husband "who would have thought a fella could go on
celebrating that Fikkin long."
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Age : 55
Location : Derbyshire
Re: The joke thread.
by Angel Fri Sep 25, 2009 10:36 pm
Married Sex is like the national lottery....
Same old balls, no chance of a 69 and after 20 seconds it all ends in a
fikkin rollover
Same old balls, no chance of a 69 and after 20 seconds it all ends in a
fikkin rollover
Angel- Most excellent member
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Join date : 2009-08-18
Age : 55
Location : Derbyshire
Re: The joke thread.
by Angel Fri Sep 25, 2009 10:37 pm
A girl asked her Doctor "How many calories are in cum?"
Her Doctor replied "Listen love, if you swallow, nobody cares how fat you are"
Her Doctor replied "Listen love, if you swallow, nobody cares how fat you are"
Angel- Most excellent member
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Age : 55
Location : Derbyshire
Re: The joke thread.
by Angel Fri Sep 25, 2009 10:37 pm
Bloke walks into a pub and asks for a pint of anything but Stella.
Barman asked, "What's wrong with Stella?"
Bloke said, "I had 12 pints of Stella last night and when I came round I was
fikkin skint"
Barman looked confused and said, "12 pints of anything cost's the same"
Bloke replied, "Skint is the name of my dog"
Barman asked, "What's wrong with Stella?"
Bloke said, "I had 12 pints of Stella last night and when I came round I was
fikkin skint"
Barman looked confused and said, "12 pints of anything cost's the same"
Bloke replied, "Skint is the name of my dog"
Angel- Most excellent member
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Age : 55
Location : Derbyshire
Re: The joke thread.
by Angel Fri Sep 25, 2009 10:38 pm
After a nice 69 with his wife, Brian remembered he had an appointment at the dentist. He was affraid the dentist would notice the smell on his breath so he brushed his teeth used dental floss and a bottle of listerine.
As he arrived at the dentist he ate a pack of extra strong mints.
His turn came and the dentist told him to take a seat.
Feeling confident and relaxed, he opened wide. The dentist got close and said "did you have a 69 before you came here?"
Brian asked "how did you know, does my breath smell?"
The dentist said "No, you have a skid mark on your forehead
As he arrived at the dentist he ate a pack of extra strong mints.
His turn came and the dentist told him to take a seat.
Feeling confident and relaxed, he opened wide. The dentist got close and said "did you have a 69 before you came here?"
Brian asked "how did you know, does my breath smell?"
The dentist said "No, you have a skid mark on your forehead
Angel- Most excellent member
- Posts : 1188
Join date : 2009-08-18
Age : 55
Location : Derbyshire
Re: The joke thread.
by Angel Fri Sep 25, 2009 10:46 pm
I'm going to rob a bank tomorrow, I plan on dressing up in a clowns wig
and make up and I'll be wearing a thong and nipple tassles. I'll be carrying
a goat with a dildo up it's ass and a tin of dulux. When I'm in the bank I'm
going to get the goat to suck me off and then I'll throw paint all over the
walls whilst repeatedly shouting the words flapping p/flaps. Once I get the
cash I'm going to take a sh!t on the floor before escaping in a van shaped
like a big pink cock.
Lets see crimewatch stage a reconstruction of that.
and make up and I'll be wearing a thong and nipple tassles. I'll be carrying
a goat with a dildo up it's ass and a tin of dulux. When I'm in the bank I'm
going to get the goat to suck me off and then I'll throw paint all over the
walls whilst repeatedly shouting the words flapping p/flaps. Once I get the
cash I'm going to take a sh!t on the floor before escaping in a van shaped
like a big pink cock.
Lets see crimewatch stage a reconstruction of that.
Angel- Most excellent member
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Join date : 2009-08-18
Age : 55
Location : Derbyshire
Re: The joke thread.
by Angel Sat Sep 26, 2009 6:46 pm
I've just been to the gym. They've got a new machine in, only used it for
half an hour as I started to feel sick! It's great though - does everything ...
... Kitkats, Mars bars, Snickers, Crisps .... The whole fickin lot
half an hour as I started to feel sick! It's great though - does everything ...
... Kitkats, Mars bars, Snickers, Crisps .... The whole fickin lot
Angel- Most excellent member
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Age : 55
Location : Derbyshire
Re: The joke thread.
by Guest Sat Sep 26, 2009 7:10 pm
Can you put your more racy jokes in Dels's Boudoir in future please Angel, to which you now have access.
Guest- Guest
Re: The joke thread.
by Maverick Fri Nov 13, 2009 3:01 am
Angel,
Can you try to be funny occasionally?
Can you try to be funny occasionally?
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Similar topics» Joke thread....
» Human rights a joke
» Old punk's different pod thread
» The Cliche Thread
» PREDICTIONS THREAD.
» Human rights a joke
» Old punk's different pod thread
» The Cliche Thread
» PREDICTIONS THREAD.
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